Hello all, I usually don't write stuff on how i feel or how i think. I keep away from all drama. And the main reason is that there are people out there that follow me in every step i make. And that is not the good steps. I mean, literally stalk me and message me whenever i say, do or post a thing about my feelings or how i think or whenever i come online stalk me not only in sl but also in rl. Through email, phone messages and inworld im's with several alts.
Post a song and you get a comment like .... who is this for? Why are you posting this? Do you want people to think like .... ?
Post something else and you get ... Guess you are happy? Doing great is see... but not for long, i will break you...Every person that comes close to you i will make sure they will all leave.....
Or like yesterday my post about trust. Or when i brake up with ponchi.
I had my reasons to break up with her and i told her that. We both talked and she accepted my decision with pain in her heart. Its a private matter but no one seems to understand that. What has been said between the two of us, stays between the two of us. Just remember that it also hurts me if i have to hurt the people that i care about, but sometimes decisions need to be made. Whether they are good or bad. i will always support my friends and i will always care for them, so i will be by ponchi her side. Not as a lover but as one of her closest friends. But some people are not satisfied with what i say or what i do. And on top of that they like to pressure me in saying stuff that is way to early to say or just pressure me in saying stuff that would make them feel better. And the main reason is ..... trust !! They don't believe a word you say, they don't believe in .....YOU !
Trust is a thing that you slowly build up. Not something that happens over night and i do believe that. But by putting pressure on people you will achieve the opposite, in stead of pulling the person closer to you, you are pushing that person further and further away.
I don't know about you all. But love comes from both sides. Love needs to grow and worked on daily. But no one can be pressured in doing stuff if you need to work on TRUST. They might say i don't trust you ... but at the same time they expect you to trust them for 100%. Who is to say you can trust them if they don't even trust you and put limits on every response with time? Are they really thinking about you as a person or as a close friends or as a couple ? For me it seems they are only thinking about themselves.
I am a person that doesn't like to be pressured in things after my rl relationship put trusting people in the darkest hole you can ever imagine. I am alone in rl for 5 years now, because opening my heart to someone isn't easy cause of all the pain my ex caused. Opening a door to my heart is hard and if you succeed to get it open, don't try to close it again. If you succeeded its because i give you a chance and let you in cause i have faith in you and you are gaining my trust. But if you proceed in pushing or saying what i can or can't do and put time limits to everything i do and say , you are slowly closing that door again and you are on your way out...
Ponchi never pushed, she knew that i have my moments and i needed time for myself. She knew.... ok i will quietly sit here and wait ... I will cherish every moment we had and respect her for the person she is, that btw no one seems to see and i will always, always care or help the person she is. Are we still a couple? No, we are not anymore. But the band we have is those of the closest friends you will ever see.
I didn't wanted to talk about this. Cause its my life, my decision ... but i think its time that people that are following me ... in a not good way ... need to step back ... and leave me alone. I know you are reading this ... let me breath ... let me be myself for once without the holding back on whatever i do ... trust in who i am ... trust me !
Oh and before i forget ... yes there is someone that touched my heart ..